Creepypasta From Soviet Russia

Todays Post takes a more humorous approach to classic creepy stories...




"Father, I had a bad dream"

You take a sip of vodka and roll over. You stare at the clocktower on Sobornaya Square it's 3:23. "Go back to sleep, there is work tomorrow."
"No, Father."
The familiar warm buzz of vodka starts to sink in. You can barely make out your daughter's pale form in the darkness. "Why is that, devochka moya?"
"Because in my dream, when I was about to go back to sleep, the thing wearing Mother's skin sat up."
You pause, and face your daughter and look at her intensely. The figure behind you begins to stir.

"Don't talk that way about your brother, it is not his fault we have no money for coats. Such is life in Moscow."

----

In Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet, he does not die. When buried, yells for undertaker and rings bell.
Bell rings. Is no wind.
Undertaker asks - "Are you lady Gorbochev?"
Voice says "Yes!"
"Born winter of 1927?"
"Yes!"
"Gravestone says 'Died 20 February, 1957"
"Niet, am still living!"
"Am sorry, but is August. In June, ground will thaw. You must wait for June."

And woman is true Soviet, waits for June.

----

Once I hear story about girl in Chaplygin. She was asleep in her bed, when she feel lick on her hand. She thinks it is dog and goes to sleep. Next morning, she finds note on dresser with dead head of dog. It says "Capitalists can lick too." She screams.

The girl was sent for re-education in Estonia, her parents sent to labor in Siberia. One must always be watchful and never let American spies into one's house. Such is life in Moscow.

----

Every time Russian exhales, little bit of Vodka escapes. Smart Russian always inhales Vodka back before anyone else gets to Vodka. Almost.

Ever fog up mirror with breath? Don’t do that. Reflection is gypsy and will try to steal Vodka. Hit his head with pipe and collect tears.

----

In Mother Russia, Money is short, supplies tight, everyone always hungry. One day girl see blind man in crowd. He tell her deliver note to hovel on trail heading East. Although this was far out of her way she agreed as to promote the productive of the Motherland. But when she turn to make three mile hike up mountain trail to deliver letter, she see man take off broken sunglasses and throw stick to ground and push his way through crowd. She tells closest soldier about man's disguise.

He was execute on suspicion of being capatalist dog spy.

Note is burned for warmth.

Such is life in Mother Russia

----

It is cold Russian night you are at home on the Kolkhoz. Rather than working to produce grain for the state, you are reading Marx and Lenin with girl, when phone rings. You answer phone promptly, and voice says, “What are you doing with daughter?”

You tell her and she says her папа has been dead for years. THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

Phone was director of KGB. Police are sent to your house. You are both arrested and sent to Siberia for economic crimes.

----

Babysitter at home with young boy and young girl.
She get call parents, who are working night shift in factory asking if everything is fine. She tells them da, but the large statue of Lenin in daughter's room is unsettling.
Later, she is arrested by KGB for calling great father of motherland "unsettling".
She is sent to count trees in Siberia. Such is life in Moscow.

----

You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.

No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard!

Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.